Sins and Sinners

It never baffled me before the way it baffles me today. I was never as disturbed as I am today. It never was a distraction as it is today. The difference between morality and immorality, sin and virtue, sinner and noble…why am I suddenly bothered? Is it because I have seen too many of it around me or is it because I am suddenly opening my eyes to this? No, perhaps, I was never out of it. I too have committed my shares of sin. But I never cared to stop and think for a moment about what sin am I committing. Or perhaps I wasn’t aware that my doings are actually sins. No. at some instances, I was aware that I am committing a sin. If I say I did it deliberately, I would be still lying. No one wants to commit sin as everyone is afraid of the predicament that follows. It is the pure thrill, the excitement, to taste the forbidden, which drives us mad and our mental faculty’s momentarily suspension forces us to do which is called sin…

But I shouldn’t be too hysterical about this sin business. No one; yes no one is flawless. So what if I committed sins? There are others who are in the same boat too. Everyone has skeletons in their cupboards. ‘The one, who never sinned, shall cast the first stone’…is it possible? Is it possible to find someone who has never sinned? Perhaps not. Then why I am so restless? Why suddenly I am so miserable…or I am confused? Am I really worried or I am just being jealous? Jealous of those who had greater fun while they sinned. There sin was much more fruitful than mine. The forbidden fruit of sin they had was much sweeter than mine …

Is this I am thinking…perhaps not. When I put my-self in the situation, I find my self still less a sinner than those. I would never have done what they did. But as one of my friend said, the real test only begins when put to an actual condition. Rests are theories…

But I can’t shed all this sin baggage by just being philosophical. I must stop all this. I must be conscious now. I must awake. I must detest sins. But what about the taste of the forbidden…what about all that thrill, excitement and ecstatic pleasure, sin brings along? What about that lost fun, which I could never, had and others just had handful of it? What about those pleasures, carnal and others, which are the fruit of sins…am I going to miss them as I always did…

I am confused, perhaps.